yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
