That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
