so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My dick has a subreddit
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
