I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
