would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
