god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
