Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
