You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
