This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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