I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
