Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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