Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
