Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
babies were throwing up all over the place
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
