The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your cock deserves a montage
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
