my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ladies don't puke and tell
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
