very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
