i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
