So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
