The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
