Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
