I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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