reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
