come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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