I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
