girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You are a genius and a whore.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
