You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
