I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize