I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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