well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
