I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
