..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
