Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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