OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
