I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
