If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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