Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
