The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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