The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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