I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
