I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
