Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
