I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
