Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
