Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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