i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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