i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
