my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
