I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
