I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
