Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
