Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
