Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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