Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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