He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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