I can text with my tongue
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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