she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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