he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Less talking, more tequila
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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