At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need help removing her.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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