There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
