you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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