you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
