Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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