what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
