So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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