Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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