i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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