So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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