Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
