Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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