What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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