I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
