k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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