OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
