dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
