did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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