drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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