oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
