Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
