spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
