Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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