I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
